There are only so many hours in the day, yo.
I read these blogs of do-good momma's that are rioting against... I don't know, something... and I want in on the action. I want to stick it to The Man. I want to rage against Montasanto and their genetically-modified crap that we keep feeding our kids in the name of "good health." I want to recycle and upcycle more. I want to want less. I want to make my kids healthy lunches every day, knit their socks, wash their clothes in stuff that has less phosphates, reduce my carbon footprint, clip coupons and grow my own chickens.
Okay, that last part was a lie. Chickens freak me out.
I'm struggling with the parent I want to be and the parent that I have time to be at the moment. It's feeling a bit like an identity crisis that I've never experienced before.
What I was/am: Working mom, independent woman, raising a kid on her own (with part time help from his dad, of course.) I make my own rules (within the guidelines of my responsibilities) and do my own thing. Sure, I do my part for the environment and I donate my unused items to Goodwill, but that's about it.
What I want to be: SAHM, gardener, crafter, make my own baby food, breastfeed, organic food buyer, cloth diaperer, keep a clean house, an organized life, dinner on the table every night, kids bathed and tucked into bed by 8pm, and of course a sex goddess to my husband.
I'm at a crossroads in my life right now. I long to be a full-time parent and leave the working world behind. Maybe not forever, but at least for a while. When this little bundle of squiggles and kicks is born in March, The Plan is to have another one in short order. I mean, hey, I'm not getting any younger! And with two babes within (hopefully) a couple years, I SHOULD be home with them. I should! It just feels right!! But, we (my husband and I - and much of the working world as a whole, I imagine) find ourselves a slave to our bills, house, possessions. I have excellent medical insurance that would be a shame to lose. Our dual-income household is a nice thing to have. We have the opportunity to get ahead and stay ahead when it comes to income.
But I have to wonder... at what cost? Where does "having it all" turn into having too much. What can I give up? What is unnecessary?
Obviously I have a lot of thinking - and planning - to do. Because if I really REALLY want the things I listed above, it's not going to be easy. But it is possible. I'm holding onto that.