Day 9: NaBloPoMo - Possibility

There are only so many hours in the day, yo.

I read these blogs of do-good momma's that are rioting against... I don't know, something... and I want in on the action. I want to stick it to The Man. I want to rage against Montasanto and their genetically-modified crap that we keep feeding our kids in the name of "good health." I want to recycle and upcycle more. I want to want less. I want to make my kids healthy lunches every day, knit their socks, wash their clothes in stuff that has less phosphates, reduce my carbon footprint, clip coupons and grow my own chickens.

Okay, that last part was a lie. Chickens freak me out.

I'm struggling with the parent I want to be and the parent that I have time to be at the moment. It's feeling a bit like an identity crisis that I've never experienced before.

What I was/am: Working mom, independent woman, raising a kid on her own (with part time help from his dad, of course.) I make my own rules (within the guidelines of my responsibilities) and do my own thing. Sure, I do my part for the environment and I donate my unused items to Goodwill, but that's about it.

What I want to be: SAHM, gardener, crafter, make my own baby food, breastfeed, organic food buyer, cloth diaperer, keep a clean house, an organized life, dinner on the table every night, kids bathed and tucked into bed by 8pm, and of course a sex goddess to my husband.

I'm at a crossroads in my life right now. I long to be a full-time parent and leave the working world behind. Maybe not forever, but at least for a while. When this little bundle of squiggles and kicks is born in March, The Plan is to have another one in short order. I mean, hey, I'm not getting any younger! And with two babes within (hopefully) a couple years, I SHOULD be home with them. I should! It just feels right!! But, we (my husband and I - and much of the working world as a whole, I imagine) find ourselves a slave to our bills, house, possessions. I have excellent medical insurance that would be a shame to lose. Our dual-income household is a nice thing to have. We have the opportunity to get ahead and stay ahead when it comes to income.

But I have to wonder... at what cost? Where does "having it all" turn into having too much. What can I give up? What is unnecessary?

Obviously I have a lot of thinking - and planning - to do. Because if I really REALLY want the things I listed above, it's not going to be easy. But it is possible. I'm holding onto that.

The Possibility

Day 6: NaBloPoMo - Happy Anniversary

Today Leif and I have been married for one year. It doesn't seem like terribly much, but the Rough Patch we went through this summer was something to be reckoned with. And there was honestly a point where I didn't think we would make it this far.

No one ever tells you that marriage is The Hardest Job you'll ever have in your life. There is no hand book, no instructional DVD to tell you how to get through the Hard Times. Heck, you don't even know when to expect them until BLAM, IN YO FACE! I know that I'm not special in the fact that marriage is difficult. Though there are times where it seems that no one of the face of this earth could POSSIBLY understand the complete CHAOS that you're in, I'm sure it happens to everyone at least once. For me... well, I don't want to say that it happens more than once, but hey, let's be honest, I'm once divorced!

This past year has taught me a lot about myself and my marriage. Its not all good, but it's not all bad either. And as this calendar year comes to a close I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a loving husband who didn't give up on me, even when I gave up on him. We have a baby on the way that we both wanted so badly and created in love. I have an awesome son who is smart and is succeeding in school. I have a great support system of family and friends who are there when I need them. And I have a personal strength that, as always, continues to amaze me!

Although Leif and I are complete polar opposites (how did I not see this), we compliment each other. We are the true yin/yang and I feel better being a part of that whole. I love you, honey. Happy Anniversary.

Day 4: NaBloPoMo - Checking Out

I didn't write yesterday. See? Already!

Ever just given up? Checked out? No longer interested?

When I think about the times I've "checked out" in life, I think I've done it as a form of self-preservation. If you don't care, you can't be hurt. If you mentally quit, then you aren't disappointed, you don't feel like you failed or that you were wrong. Maybe it's even a way to avoid self-accountability. If you don't care, you don't need to hold yourself accountable.

Kinda like to those frumpy dressers on TLC's What Not To Wear. (I'm just sayin'.)

I've checked out in relationships. Stopped trying. Given up. Decided there wasn't anything to fight for. Of course, in 99% of those relationships (not that I've had many...) it was the right thing to do.

I've checked out in classes I've taken. Repeatedly. It's kind of a joke that I'm a quitter when it comes to my computer classes, but I have yet to figure out why. I really DO stop caring.... but WHY?

I've checked out on family. Sometimes the drama is just too much. Again with the self-preservation. I'm certainly no glutton for punishment.

Today a co-worker of mine checked out for the rest of their time with the company (one more week.) It's frustrating because I REALLY needed that person to button up some stuff before they take off and leave me with a bunch of crap I don't know how to do. I was met with resistance, complacency and a lack of "give-a-shit."

I hope I never end up like that.

I'm committing to checking IN next week. It just has to be a happier way to live.

Day 2: NaBloPoMo - Deliberate Thank You

This morning I was getting coffee from our local franchise, Biggby. The store was empty, service was fast and within 5 minutes I had my Decaf Skinny Caramel Marvel in hand and was headed to work. A gentleman opened the door for me on my way out and I looked at him, in the eyes, smiled and said "Thank you!"

Honestly, how hard is that?

I wonder often how different our society would be if people actually took the time to thank others. Even if it seems like it's for the little things.

Thank you for holding the elevator.
Thank you for giving me a bit more room in line.
Thank you for doing your job with a smile.
Thank you for THANKING ME!

Leif and I were involved in a little experiment this summer then we were going through our Rough Patch. We were charged with picking a day - any day - and trying to make it a great day for our partner. But, we weren't to tell each other when the day was or what we were going to do. Cheesy, I know.

We both found that thanking each other, for WHATEVER, put smiles on our faces. Even if I was sarcastically thanking him for thanking me, it still put something positive out there in the universe. We felt better, because thanking each other was nice.

NICE, people!! Imagine that. Try giving a deliberate "thank-you" sometime. I promise you, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Thank you for reading.

Day 1: NaBloPoMo

I've never been much of a finisher. But I love to be a joiner!

I've had blogs. I had a great blog at Yahoo!360 that I wrote in religiously. And then with 360 was discontinued a bunch of "us" migrated to Multiply. And then I kind of stopped blogging.

Facebook killed the blogger in me.

Interests changed, people came and went and my blog sat neglected, dusty and unloved. I'd like to say that I've totally "gotten my blog back", but we all know that's not true. (Who am I kidding... again, no one reads this...) And honestly, I'm okay with it. The voyeur in me loves knowing what's in the minds of my friends, in real life and in the blogosphere. The introvert in me doesn't really give a rip if anyone reads this or not.

My favorite part of writing - a blog inparticular - is to get out all the bullshit that you're not allowed to say during the day. Gotta rant about a coworker? Blog it! Hate a family member? Blog it! Have a big secret that you can't tell? Blog it! (I mean, you don't know those readers anyway, right?!) Funny thing about blogging, though. Relationships are built whether you want or expect it to happen anyway. Amazing, isn't it? Sadly relationships can be squashed by the blog as well. I've learned that you should never put ANYTHING out on the Innernets that you wouldn't want someone to read on a piece of paper. Or a bathroom wall. Whatever. It's out there, man! And you can delete it, but it's still out there!

Maybe that's why I decided to start blogging about my crafts...

Will my blogging last? I imagine it will ebb and flow since it has in the early 2000's. Will I manage to at least keep it up through November 2011? Maybe. Time will tell.

In the meantime, Halloween has come and gone. AJ was a scary ghoul thing and spent the first Halloween in 4 years with his dad. I was happy to forgo trick-or-treating this year.

isn't he the cutest?

Oh yeah... the blog

Christmas was my last post? Really?

Lots has happened since then. Leif lost a job. We went on vacation. We had a party celebrating our wedding and house-warming. Lots of people came. AJ started private math tutoring. I planted a garden. Nothing really grew. Except a baby in my belly! (Woohoo!) We had some problems. Issues. Therapy was involved (the non-alcoholic kind, for me...). Leif got a job. Then he got a better job. I bought a quilting machine that we can't afford.

You know, life.

In all that is a smattering of knitting and quilting. And laundry. And work.

Again, life.

I feel like I have stuff to say. Then I don't. And no one reads this anyway so I suppose it doesn't matter.

But it does.

Yeah, I need to hop back on the bloggy train.

Merry Christmas!!

Man, what a roller coaster of a year. But fantastic as well and lots of great things happened. Weddings, fun home improvement projects, new jobs, etc. Not much to complain about, but I can always find something!

The holidays always get me down. I really don't know why I let the stress get to me. I think part of it is having two families to spend time with. It's hard to juggle them when all I want to do is stay in my pajamas, watch the Christmas morning parade with a hot cuppa and ignore everyone but Leif and AJ (and trust, the dogs won't be ignored.) Yet, I put on a slightly happy face, try to clean the house (epic FAIL this year), cook dinner and try to make everyone happy. I really need to stop doing that.

Despite the bullshit, it was a good Christmas this year. AJ, Leif and I exchanged presents this morning (it was definitely the year of the Wii... we got accessories and about 10 games). I cooked an (almost) great dinner, even though the oven did get accidentally turned off halfway through baking our potatoes and green bean casserole), made sweet treats and managed to only cut myself once during the prep process! Mom came and hung out, as well as Leif's brother. I spent some time thinking about Leif's parents in Florida... the holidays are definitely not the same without them around.

Next year I've decided to do a fondue Christmas for Christmas Eve dinner. How fun does that sound?! I'm tired of potatoes and stuffing and ham. I want french bread, and cheese, and sizzling steak. And a chocolate fountain! Mmmmmm....

And AJ has declared our new Christmas Day tradition of staying in our Christmas Eve jammies all day. I like it and I think we'll keep it. What's not to love about flannel?!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Old vs. New

In the old days, I would be a blithering idiot by now. Or a complete and utter bitch.
Back then I would have freaked out that Leif's big ol' finger has a very big chance of NOT having a ring for our wedding day.
Back then I would be crushed if I didn't invite a friend to my wedding, and she got slightly hurt by it.
Back then I'd be worried about how everyone else felt about my 6-day engagement.

Today, I realize that when Leif said, "I'm not marrying a ring, I'm marrying you" he meant it. And it's going to be fine.
Today, I realize that not EVERY friend can be invited to a small, on the fly wedding ceremony, but they can party like a rockstar with us in the spring when we have our "wedding reception/open house."
Today, I don't give a rip what anyone thinks about planning a wedding in 6 days.

Our day is going to rock. We're going to be surrounded by family and friends and love and all that gooey crap.

It's a new day. Yay!

The day my life changed...

November 1, 2010

He proposed.



Whaaaaaaaaa?

I mean, I always knew it would happen. And we'd been talking about it pretty seriously for the last couple months. But never, EVER did I expect to find a ring, in a brownie, at our local sushi place. Never did I think I would burst into tears in the middle of a crowded restaurant with the waitress and hostess grinning at me from ear to ear. And never, ever did I expect to look into his tear-filled eyes and not even have to answer the question that was never really asked.

It was amazing. The ring is amazing. The man is amazing. And our wedding (on Saturday, 11/6/2010 ... 3 days from now) will be amazing.

I can't wait to be his wife.

Again, life is good.

For SHAME!

I was cleaning up some of the yarn strewn about the house yesterday, due to our new window installation...

[background story]

I haven't thought of myself as an impulsive craft shopper in quite some time. Not since the days of selling all of my quilling materials on eBay (over $600 worth of supplies for about $80) and much of my scrapbooking stash. I was impulsive. And I bought a LOT!

That's when I was married.

I continued to be crafty after my divorce, but on a budget. I purchased for projects ONLY. When I started to quilt I would buy for certain patterns that I was CURRENTLY working on only. Never just because it was "pretty" or I might use it some day. Current. Projects. Only.

[/end background story]

I moved several small bags of yarn from the office to the bedroom this week so that they were out of the way when our windows were installed. I went to Target yesterday to buy a large plastic tote to start putting said yarn in... just to keep it all in one place.

Uhhh... yeah...


I filled up this tote with the yarn I had simply lying around the house. No projects planned for about 90% of it. (The maroon skeins on the top of the box are Portland Tweed, I think. I started my Central Park Hoodie with it. Other than that... ummm... not so much. And, none of this yarn is over 6 months old, I would say (probably more like 3), and NONE of this yarn contains my "stash" of yarn. That I keep in the basement.

I have two plastic boxes full of yarn.

My ENTIRE quilting collection (including fabric, books, thread, etc) all fit in two plastic boxes. EVERYTHING.

I have a problem.

One year

Yesterday was my one year anniversary of owning my first home - all on my own. I can't believe it has already been 366 days since I moved in here.



Every time the basement windows leak, I still love it.
Every time I walk into the putrid peach kitchen with the Aztec wallpaper, I still love it.
Every time I look at the horrible baby blue walls in the hallway that still needs to be painted, I love it.
Every time I feel the horrible draft from the 50's aluminum windows, I still love it. (and I'll love it more when said windows are replaced in three days!)

I love this house.

It's mine. To do with what I want. Decorate how I want. Fill it with the furniture I want.

Fill it with the people I want.

It's also been 366 days since Leif and I started living together. It's been wonderful. It's been hard. It's been part of the best experience I've ever had.

Life is awesome.

Wearable Art

I love wearing hand-made things. Oh heck, I just love hand-made things in general!

Uber thanks to Amber over at Dawdler101 for her super blog giveaway. I was the lucky recipient of her April Showers and May Flowers bracelets on July 30th! I've worn them a few times (including today) and I love, love, LOVE them!

Amber, rock on!

I don't know about anyone else, but I freak out before I give a handmade item to anyone. Will they like it? Are the colors right? Will they use it? Will they understand the oodles of time it took to create such a masterpiece? I'm currently working on a quilt for my ex-husbands step-daughter (oh, shut up... you don't have to understand it!) Marianna's baby shower is on Sunday - yes, 2 days away - and I had a freak out moment last night while working on it. I second guessed every color choice I made (even though my ex's wife loved them) and second guessed the pattern even more (single irish chain - you just can't screw those up.) I wonder if other people who give handmade gifts think the same way I do.

What's new?

Honestly, where has the summer gone? It is already the END of August!!

I had such grand plans. Finishing up our new flooring with trim (not to mention the door transitions we still need to install...) Gardening, making my basement craft room livable, working out, eating right, knitting, quilting, etc, etc...

I didn't manage to get the craft room even started! No trim in the living/dining room areas. No transitions (I blame Leif for that...) Gardening has been going great and I even canned for the first time last weekend - stewed tomatoes, pickled cherry tomatoes, dilly beans and regular beans. What a good time!

No finished knitting or quilting projects though I HAVE to get a baby quilt done this weekend for a shower on Sunday. So, it will be pedal to the metal from today on. Working on a baby sweater and various other knitting projects that seem to start themselves but never quite finish themselves in a timely matter.

I bought a car! Isn't she pretty? Her name is Veruca and I love her.

So yeah, I need to take some other pics of the fun things I've been doing. I've ignored my blog for weeks and weeks and I feel so guilty!

What has everyone else been up to?

Tall Order

It never fails...

Anyone: "Do you think you can make..."
Me: "Sure, how hard can it be?"

A girlfriend of mine is adopting her second child from Ethiopia - hopefully this year. As of a week ago she hadn't her referral for her 0-12 month baby girl, but she was sure it would be coming... sooner than later. Which means that hopefully in the year 2010 she and her husband will be blessed with a little sister for their first son, Rylee Bona.
With her first child, Meggan and her husband had a baby shower (of course) and I made them a super cute quilt using the colors of the Ethiopian flag. I was so nervous... not everyone appreciates a hand-made gift, but I was a quilting machine back then (before I discovered my love for sticks and strings) so she expected one. And they loved it and the sentiment behind my color choices (though it TOTALLY clashed with RB's nursery colors!!)


Last week she put a call out on her Facebook to see if anyone could/knew someone who could sew a nursery bumper and a few accessories for her. Of course I chime in, "Uhhhh... I quilt... I could do that..." *oh crap!* Lots of other people commented, mentioning aunts, grandmas, neighbors, etc. But, *I* got the shout out later with, "Wow, Trish... could you?!?" Well, of COURSE I can!

Honestly, I'm flattered. I know that Meggs would appreciate hand-made items and the fact that she actually WANTS me to do it super awesome! But man, who wants to screw that up?

Yes, I've got a tall order to deliver on. So... uh... anyone know some great nursery patterns?

Mid-Life Crisis

My hair has pink in it.

...

As I was dropping AJ off at summer care this morning I started to think, "Am I too old for pink hair? How many other mom's have pink hair? I'm I having a mid-life crisis? What sports car would I buy? Why don't I have a live-in babysitter to run off with?"

I kid myself every once in a while; I fill my own head with delusions of being a bohemian chic mama, wearing flowing skirts and tank tops and flip flops every day. I want to plant a tree, wear no make-up, cut off ALL of my hair and dye it a bright and obnoxious color. Then I come back to earth and realize that I have to work in a corporate office, make money, pay a mortgage and buy a new bra. And support my yarn habit.

*sigh*

So, here I am with a couple pink stripes in my hair. Am I too old? Perhaps. Do I love it anyway? Abso-freaking-lutely. Is it me? Most definitely.

I like me.

Garden Bounty

I came home last night after getting my hairs did (blog for a different day), and walked by my garden while letting the pups go about their business...

Holy cow! It's time to harvest!

I managed to pull out some cherry tomatoes, a couple green peppers, one HUGE banana pepper and some strawberries! Said tomatoes and green peppers accompanied my salad at lunch today. And a salad never tasted so good!

My mini-success at gardening (so far) got me thinking about all of the other things I have been/could be successful at doing. The sky really is the limit, you know?

Disclaimer: My ability to grow vegetables does not qualify me as a brain surgeon. Just sayin'...

What's in the name?

Can I just say how much I love my title graphic?

This is a picture taken at my boyfriend's parents friends house in Florida. (Try wrapping your head around that one!) He built a home on a small lake - it really is gorgeous. We stayed there with his parents last November when we flew down for the weekend for a family birthday party. Saturday morning we got up to brilliant sunshine, moderate temps (mid-high 70's) and decided to take the canoe out on the lake. The flips are Leif's... his mom took this picture while we were out. It epitomizes my desire for calm, nature at it's best and sheer bliss.

*sigh*

Anyway, I was thinking about my title and how I came up with it. Really, it was nothing. My nickname is Squisha (or, if you're a REALLY good friend, Squishy)... a derivative of Trisha. Clever, eh? And, I craft.

Moreover, in my subtitle I mention just three of my crafts... knitting, quilting and weaving. Funny... these all create somewhat "squishy" items when complete. Squishy socks or a scarf, a squishy lap quilt to curl up by the fire. A squishy dresser runner (which sits on my loom right now.) I thought it was pretty funny and pretty lucky.

Sometimes I just rock like that.

How did you come up with your blog name?

New Home

I haven't been feeling the least big bloggish in the last couple years. I'm not exactly sure what the problem is, so I'm hoping a change of venue might invigorate me to start putting some stuff down. Perhaps the fact that very few people will be reading this will help - it's almost empowering. Not that I was important enough to have blog groupies or anything... I'll leave that up to the professionals.

So for now, I'm learning about my new digs and trying to get comfortable with my new home. I'm kind of excited!